While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
