literally had 100 drinks last night.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
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