Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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