so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
