hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize