you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
