I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
