Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
