I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
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