He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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