We're like a lot better than the average bears
I just saw a hot homeless man
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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