i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
i think i just lost a toe
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
