Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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