LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
