But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
