At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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