the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
