yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
