We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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