Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
