I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
