she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
We talked him into tasing himself.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
