She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
