i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Randomize
