WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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