Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
