Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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