After last night, I could never be a politician.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Randomize
