I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
