he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
