Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
