I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
