So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
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