You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I did not marry a roomba.
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