I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
This baby is an asshole
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
