Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
