If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
this hospital has no fireball
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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