This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
