i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
