You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
