I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
