my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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