She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
