I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
