That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
