Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
