dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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