I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
