At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
