i need an iv and a liver transplant
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
