I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
