i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
