piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
smell my finger.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
