Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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