Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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