plz talk dirty to me
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
