when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Randomize
