He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
