atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
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