No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
