OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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