He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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