i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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