why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
