No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
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