he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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