The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
