so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
