piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
