i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
