I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
