Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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