ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
