I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
