what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
