i don't like sucking hair
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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