How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Duck Duck Cougar?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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