I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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