dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
