OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
