Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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