hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Randomize
