He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
She even gives head with a lisp.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
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