i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
How does one acquire holy water?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
