i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
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