Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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