Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
