He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Sorry my hands just texted you
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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