I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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