He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
