How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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