I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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