Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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