I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
