stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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