not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
