It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
