I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
