Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
