maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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