I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
