So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
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