Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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