I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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