how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
