Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
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