Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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