never play flip cup with pint glasses
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize