I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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