this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
