Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Randomize
