You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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