I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
